Sunday 31 May 2015

Coming up for air

The most proustian moment,
Is the one where black water fills up to the brim.
Rushing through my lungs,
And I fight for the surface.
And fight..
And fight..

How can I hold there much longer,
The water builds in this bag of skin,
Sinking, deeper still,
Deeper still…
Deeper still….

For years up to now,
For years in suspened animation,
I see this is more than a bag of skin,
A grand result of time’s grand games,
Elusive yet so allusive,
And I don’t want to sink ,
Look at me now,
I am,

Coming up for air.


/* So again , first post in a while . And as you can see I have been experimenting with form , and drifting away from my usual 6/4s.  So what can I say about this one, if you read through this blog chronologically you will find posts drenched in existential angst gradually giving way to a sort of stable plateau of well... i don't know ... melancholy , acceptance , happiness ... call it what you will. But that is what this one is about. Its about coming up for air after facing all those truths that Nietzsche or Sartre would tell us about ( would that be Camus or Proust ?) . Fact is we are so lucky to have human form, after all those years of evolution , and random mutations carbon molecules have evolved to give us this form of life. And I hope you don't see beauty in that .But as far as I go , I love this breath of fresh air.    */


57 comments:

  1. Intriguing. Nice play on how much of us is actually water. Makes for an interesting metaphor as well drowning in self abd growing beyond that as we mature.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very interesting - especially with notes

    ReplyDelete
  3. I loved the intricate details of this fascinating piece! Great choice of words :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Despite drowning the words have a hope and life will rise again.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is a poem that you need to inhale deep before you read it. I felt the complexity of the verse's tension with the water. In the end you wonder what is holding the subject down.

    Intriguing and mind blowing verse.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The imagery of drowning and coming up to breath.. the cycle is a very strong as metaphor...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Clever use of language...mostly I love the emotional pull..like coming to from a deep dream...waking up...maybe even from a place deeper than that too?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I felt the urgency in this. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Whew, glad that there is the coming up for air...which seems a positive resolution to the dilemma.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes, I feel the acceptance - enough just To Be......life a gift . Breathe deeply, and enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
  11. That's what I like - a post with substance. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow this is incredible really...and especially more with your notes...I agree very clever.

    Donna@LivingFromHappiness

    ReplyDelete
  13. Love the resolve at the end, the acknowledgement that "I don't want to sink" after all, but "I am coming up for air." Beautifully done.

    ReplyDelete
  14. life can drown a person and your plea for surfacing just proves how life can be suffocating at times. loved the poem!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. It has the tone of a plea for help ... very interesting metaphors.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You have put it beautifully

    ReplyDelete
  17. You have put it beautifully

    ReplyDelete
  18. and when the body crumbles back to earth in that once you breathed the air then you will always be a part of all this.(existential thought)

    ReplyDelete
  19. as long as keep on holding on, you'll finally overcome the problems..

    ReplyDelete
  20. If only we could ask babies what it felt like in the womb and then to be pushed out into the world to start breathing.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Very nice play on words - and I truly enjoy accompanying music videos - I've discovered some rather good music that I'd been unaware of that way! Cool vid!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i'm glad some one appreciates my habit of putting notes and music along with my posts

      Delete
  22. I like the note of acceptance here and also the rising...a beautifully positive vibe...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Paints a picture of the struggle, and the fight against it. Lovely!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Very vivid on the struggle under water.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Well covered, no pun intended :-)
    ZQ

    ReplyDelete
  26. Restraining oneself against all odds with vengeance. A good way of finding an outlet and lots of great word-play. Thoughtful lines Suyash!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
  27. Original, notes and video expand the thoughts and feelings....happy to coming up to air....

    ReplyDelete
  28. Really strong poem! The ending is most uplifting.

    ReplyDelete
  29. "The most proustain moment,"
    Line One sets stage and mood although i do believe "proustain" should be edited to proustian
    however the marriage of personal past life experience and evolution is really interestingly presented

    much love...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. my my ! how did i commit such an abomination !

      Delete
  30. Succinctly yet evocatively described.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I heard the intake of breath... and the promising exhale...

    ReplyDelete
  32. Very mysterious but an enjoyable form of poetry, with philosophical immersion included...

    Eileen

    ReplyDelete
  33. You made me ponder the feeling of embodiment, the way we feel about our own bodies, our own skin. That is a a lot to consider!

    ReplyDelete
  34. This is a very intriguing interpretation of the photo.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I like the ending, positive and uplifting ~

    ReplyDelete
  36. This is awesome. Especially the opening.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Ah.. the struggle for life.. from breath to food
    to staying afloat on water top.. is a price
    we pay for life.. but the connection.. instead
    of word.. in senses and emotions.. without
    toil and word troubles.. can come alive..
    in comfort of animal
    sanity.. in feeling
    and sensing
    and most
    importantly
    connecting to
    all
    in
    now..:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. this has got to be one of my favourite comments

      Delete
  38. I love the feeling of your poem,,drifting in suspension, frozen waiting for a break in the madness. Or perhaps my interpretation is simply a reflection. Like a good work of art interpretation is part of the process and the final product. Well done

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly good art always leads to varying interpretation

      Delete
  39. trying to find yourself... and it seems like it might succeed...

    ReplyDelete
  40. yes - i don't wanna sink as well... i love water...sometimes there's peace in sinking a bit into ourselves but i need that breath of fresh air as well

    ReplyDelete
  41. Well done - a breath of fresh air.
    Anna :o]

    ReplyDelete
  42. so glad she did not sink and was able to come up for air...

    ReplyDelete
  43. life has its strange ways of making you feel like you're drowning, even when there's no water in sight... very strong metaphor and makes an open piece. Well written.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Excellent metaphor. How so many of us allow that black water to fill us, to sink us....and at the end the decision to rise and breath is wonderful. So many times, it is exactly our choice to do that. Exceptional read. Hayes Spencer is Kanzensakura

    ReplyDelete
  45. Moving poem. That closing line!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Clever word choices here. I especially like grand-- grand.

    ReplyDelete
  47. "...bag of skin..." Those words (both visual and implications) are so very chilling...

    ReplyDelete