Sunday, 31 May 2015

Coming up for air

The most proustian moment,
Is the one where black water fills up to the brim.
Rushing through my lungs,
And I fight for the surface.
And fight..
And fight..

How can I hold there much longer,
The water builds in this bag of skin,
Sinking, deeper still,
Deeper still…
Deeper still….

For years up to now,
For years in suspened animation,
I see this is more than a bag of skin,
A grand result of time’s grand games,
Elusive yet so allusive,
And I don’t want to sink ,
Look at me now,
I am,

Coming up for air.


/* So again , first post in a while . And as you can see I have been experimenting with form , and drifting away from my usual 6/4s.  So what can I say about this one, if you read through this blog chronologically you will find posts drenched in existential angst gradually giving way to a sort of stable plateau of well... i don't know ... melancholy , acceptance , happiness ... call it what you will. But that is what this one is about. Its about coming up for air after facing all those truths that Nietzsche or Sartre would tell us about ( would that be Camus or Proust ?) . Fact is we are so lucky to have human form, after all those years of evolution , and random mutations carbon molecules have evolved to give us this form of life. And I hope you don't see beauty in that .But as far as I go , I love this breath of fresh air.    */


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57 comments:

  1. X31 May 2015 at 07:31

    Intriguing. Nice play on how much of us is actually water. Makes for an interesting metaphor as well drowning in self abd growing beyond that as we mature.

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  2. Unknown31 May 2015 at 07:47

    Very interesting - especially with notes

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  3. Sanaa Rizvi31 May 2015 at 08:09

    I loved the intricate details of this fascinating piece! Great choice of words :D

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  4. Vandana Sharma31 May 2015 at 08:38

    Despite drowning the words have a hope and life will rise again.

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  5. Unknown31 May 2015 at 08:46

    This is a poem that you need to inhale deep before you read it. I felt the complexity of the verse's tension with the water. In the end you wonder what is holding the subject down.

    Intriguing and mind blowing verse.

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  6. brudberg31 May 2015 at 09:01

    The imagery of drowning and coming up to breath.. the cycle is a very strong as metaphor...

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  7. Jae Rose31 May 2015 at 09:08

    Clever use of language...mostly I love the emotional pull..like coming to from a deep dream...waking up...maybe even from a place deeper than that too?

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  8. De Jackson31 May 2015 at 09:54

    I felt the urgency in this. Well done.

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  9. Mary31 May 2015 at 11:04

    Whew, glad that there is the coming up for air...which seems a positive resolution to the dilemma.

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  10. Sherry Blue Sky31 May 2015 at 12:32

    Yes, I feel the acceptance - enough just To Be......life a gift . Breathe deeply, and enjoy!

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  11. Berowne31 May 2015 at 12:47

    That's what I like - a post with substance. Well done.

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  12. Donna31 May 2015 at 13:57

    Wow this is incredible really...and especially more with your notes...I agree very clever.

    Donna@LivingFromHappiness

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  13. C.C.31 May 2015 at 14:14

    Love the resolve at the end, the acknowledgement that "I don't want to sink" after all, but "I am coming up for air." Beautifully done.

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  14. J.N.T.31 May 2015 at 15:58

    life can drown a person and your plea for surfacing just proves how life can be suffocating at times. loved the poem!!!

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  15. Anonymous31 May 2015 at 19:29

    It has the tone of a plea for help ... very interesting metaphors.

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  16. Deepa31 May 2015 at 19:49

    You have put it beautifully

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  17. Deepa31 May 2015 at 19:49

    You have put it beautifully

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  18. Marcoantonio Arellano (Nene)1 June 2015 at 02:38

    and when the body crumbles back to earth in that once you breathed the air then you will always be a part of all this.(existential thought)

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  19. totomai1 June 2015 at 03:55

    as long as keep on holding on, you'll finally overcome the problems..

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  20. Old Egg1 June 2015 at 04:21

    If only we could ask babies what it felt like in the womb and then to be pushed out into the world to start breathing.

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  21. Helena1 June 2015 at 06:44

    Very nice play on words - and I truly enjoy accompanying music videos - I've discovered some rather good music that I'd been unaware of that way! Cool vid!

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    1. SuyashJ1 June 2015 at 09:09

      i'm glad some one appreciates my habit of putting notes and music along with my posts

      Delete
  22. Sumana Roy1 June 2015 at 07:02

    I like the note of acceptance here and also the rising...a beautifully positive vibe...

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  23. Vinay Leo R.1 June 2015 at 10:53

    Paints a picture of the struggle, and the fight against it. Lovely!

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  24. Gen Giggles 1 June 2015 at 12:47

    Very vivid on the struggle under water.

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  25. ZQ1 June 2015 at 13:43

    Well covered, no pun intended :-)
    ZQ

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  26. kaykuala1 June 2015 at 15:50

    Restraining oneself against all odds with vengeance. A good way of finding an outlet and lots of great word-play. Thoughtful lines Suyash!

    Hank

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  27. humbird1 June 2015 at 16:34

    Original, notes and video expand the thoughts and feelings....happy to coming up to air....

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  28. Brother Ollie2 June 2015 at 02:56

    Really strong poem! The ending is most uplifting.

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  29. Gillena Cox2 June 2015 at 04:16

    "The most proustain moment,"
    Line One sets stage and mood although i do believe "proustain" should be edited to proustian
    however the marriage of personal past life experience and evolution is really interestingly presented

    much love...

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    1. SuyashJ2 June 2015 at 07:43

      my my ! how did i commit such an abomination !

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  30. Rosemary Nissen-Wade2 June 2015 at 05:12

    Succinctly yet evocatively described.

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  31. Magaly Guerrero2 June 2015 at 10:07

    I heard the intake of breath... and the promising exhale...

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  32. Eileen T O'Neill .....2 June 2015 at 12:07

    Very mysterious but an enjoyable form of poetry, with philosophical immersion included...

    Eileen

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  33. Unknown2 June 2015 at 18:33

    You made me ponder the feeling of embodiment, the way we feel about our own bodies, our own skin. That is a a lot to consider!

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  34. 21 Wits3 June 2015 at 06:35

    A survivor, to the end.

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  35. Kerry O'Connor3 June 2015 at 07:14

    This is a very intriguing interpretation of the photo.

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  36. Grace5 June 2015 at 05:41

    I like the ending, positive and uplifting ~

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  37. Anonymous5 June 2015 at 08:24

    This is awesome. Especially the opening.

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  38. Unknown5 June 2015 at 10:50

    Lovely write!

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  39. Katie Mia Frederick5 June 2015 at 12:16

    Ah.. the struggle for life.. from breath to food
    to staying afloat on water top.. is a price
    we pay for life.. but the connection.. instead
    of word.. in senses and emotions.. without
    toil and word troubles.. can come alive..
    in comfort of animal
    sanity.. in feeling
    and sensing
    and most
    importantly
    connecting to
    all
    in
    now..:)

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    1. SuyashJ5 June 2015 at 19:38

      this has got to be one of my favourite comments

      Delete
  40. Unknown5 June 2015 at 18:07

    I love the feeling of your poem,,drifting in suspension, frozen waiting for a break in the madness. Or perhaps my interpretation is simply a reflection. Like a good work of art interpretation is part of the process and the final product. Well done

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    1. SuyashJ10 June 2015 at 20:51

      Exactly good art always leads to varying interpretation

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  41. Margaret5 June 2015 at 18:47

    trying to find yourself... and it seems like it might succeed...

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  42. Claudia6 June 2015 at 04:56

    yes - i don't wanna sink as well... i love water...sometimes there's peace in sinking a bit into ourselves but i need that breath of fresh air as well

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  43. hyperCRYPTICal6 June 2015 at 06:51

    Well done - a breath of fresh air.
    Anna :o]

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  44. Truedessa6 June 2015 at 07:51

    so glad she did not sink and was able to come up for air...

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  45. Unknown6 June 2015 at 09:03

    life has its strange ways of making you feel like you're drowning, even when there's no water in sight... very strong metaphor and makes an open piece. Well written.

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  46. Unknown6 June 2015 at 18:47

    Excellent metaphor. How so many of us allow that black water to fill us, to sink us....and at the end the decision to rise and breath is wonderful. So many times, it is exactly our choice to do that. Exceptional read. Hayes Spencer is Kanzensakura

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  47. cosmos cami9 June 2015 at 22:25

    Moving poem. That closing line!

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  48. Marian10 June 2015 at 04:27

    Clever word choices here. I especially like grand-- grand.

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  49. Magaly Guerrero10 June 2015 at 06:52

    "...bag of skin..." Those words (both visual and implications) are so very chilling...

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