Sunday, 31 May 2015

Coming up for air

The most proustian moment,
Is the one where black water fills up to the brim.
Rushing through my lungs,
And I fight for the surface.
And fight..
And fight..

How can I hold there much longer,
The water builds in this bag of skin,
Sinking, deeper still,
Deeper still…
Deeper still….

For years up to now,
For years in suspened animation,
I see this is more than a bag of skin,
A grand result of time’s grand games,
Elusive yet so allusive,
And I don’t want to sink ,
Look at me now,
I am,

Coming up for air.


/* So again , first post in a while . And as you can see I have been experimenting with form , and drifting away from my usual 6/4s.  So what can I say about this one, if you read through this blog chronologically you will find posts drenched in existential angst gradually giving way to a sort of stable plateau of well... i don't know ... melancholy , acceptance , happiness ... call it what you will. But that is what this one is about. Its about coming up for air after facing all those truths that Nietzsche or Sartre would tell us about ( would that be Camus or Proust ?) . Fact is we are so lucky to have human form, after all those years of evolution , and random mutations carbon molecules have evolved to give us this form of life. And I hope you don't see beauty in that .But as far as I go , I love this breath of fresh air.    */


58 comments:

  1. Intriguing. Nice play on how much of us is actually water. Makes for an interesting metaphor as well drowning in self abd growing beyond that as we mature.

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  2. Very interesting - especially with notes

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  3. I loved the intricate details of this fascinating piece! Great choice of words :D

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  4. Despite drowning the words have a hope and life will rise again.

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  5. This is a poem that you need to inhale deep before you read it. I felt the complexity of the verse's tension with the water. In the end you wonder what is holding the subject down.

    Intriguing and mind blowing verse.

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  6. The imagery of drowning and coming up to breath.. the cycle is a very strong as metaphor...

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  7. Clever use of language...mostly I love the emotional pull..like coming to from a deep dream...waking up...maybe even from a place deeper than that too?

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  8. I felt the urgency in this. Well done.

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  9. Whew, glad that there is the coming up for air...which seems a positive resolution to the dilemma.

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  10. Yes, I feel the acceptance - enough just To Be......life a gift . Breathe deeply, and enjoy!

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  11. That's what I like - a post with substance. Well done.

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  12. Wow this is incredible really...and especially more with your notes...I agree very clever.

    Donna@LivingFromHappiness

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  13. Love the resolve at the end, the acknowledgement that "I don't want to sink" after all, but "I am coming up for air." Beautifully done.

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  14. life can drown a person and your plea for surfacing just proves how life can be suffocating at times. loved the poem!!!

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  15. It has the tone of a plea for help ... very interesting metaphors.

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  16. You have put it beautifully

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  17. You have put it beautifully

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  18. and when the body crumbles back to earth in that once you breathed the air then you will always be a part of all this.(existential thought)

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  19. as long as keep on holding on, you'll finally overcome the problems..

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  20. If only we could ask babies what it felt like in the womb and then to be pushed out into the world to start breathing.

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    Replies
    1. that is such a fascinating thought

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  21. Very nice play on words - and I truly enjoy accompanying music videos - I've discovered some rather good music that I'd been unaware of that way! Cool vid!

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    Replies
    1. i'm glad some one appreciates my habit of putting notes and music along with my posts

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  22. I like the note of acceptance here and also the rising...a beautifully positive vibe...

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  23. Paints a picture of the struggle, and the fight against it. Lovely!

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  24. Very vivid on the struggle under water.

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  25. Well covered, no pun intended :-)
    ZQ

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  26. Restraining oneself against all odds with vengeance. A good way of finding an outlet and lots of great word-play. Thoughtful lines Suyash!

    Hank

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  27. Original, notes and video expand the thoughts and feelings....happy to coming up to air....

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  28. Really strong poem! The ending is most uplifting.

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  29. "The most proustain moment,"
    Line One sets stage and mood although i do believe "proustain" should be edited to proustian
    however the marriage of personal past life experience and evolution is really interestingly presented

    much love...

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    Replies
    1. my my ! how did i commit such an abomination !

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  30. Succinctly yet evocatively described.

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  31. I heard the intake of breath... and the promising exhale...

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  32. Very mysterious but an enjoyable form of poetry, with philosophical immersion included...

    Eileen

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  33. You made me ponder the feeling of embodiment, the way we feel about our own bodies, our own skin. That is a a lot to consider!

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  34. This is a very intriguing interpretation of the photo.

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  35. I like the ending, positive and uplifting ~

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  36. This is awesome. Especially the opening.

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  37. Ah.. the struggle for life.. from breath to food
    to staying afloat on water top.. is a price
    we pay for life.. but the connection.. instead
    of word.. in senses and emotions.. without
    toil and word troubles.. can come alive..
    in comfort of animal
    sanity.. in feeling
    and sensing
    and most
    importantly
    connecting to
    all
    in
    now..:)

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    Replies
    1. this has got to be one of my favourite comments

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  38. I love the feeling of your poem,,drifting in suspension, frozen waiting for a break in the madness. Or perhaps my interpretation is simply a reflection. Like a good work of art interpretation is part of the process and the final product. Well done

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    1. Exactly good art always leads to varying interpretation

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  39. trying to find yourself... and it seems like it might succeed...

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  40. yes - i don't wanna sink as well... i love water...sometimes there's peace in sinking a bit into ourselves but i need that breath of fresh air as well

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  41. Well done - a breath of fresh air.
    Anna :o]

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  42. so glad she did not sink and was able to come up for air...

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  43. life has its strange ways of making you feel like you're drowning, even when there's no water in sight... very strong metaphor and makes an open piece. Well written.

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  44. Excellent metaphor. How so many of us allow that black water to fill us, to sink us....and at the end the decision to rise and breath is wonderful. So many times, it is exactly our choice to do that. Exceptional read. Hayes Spencer is Kanzensakura

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  45. Moving poem. That closing line!

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  46. Clever word choices here. I especially like grand-- grand.

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  47. "...bag of skin..." Those words (both visual and implications) are so very chilling...

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for noticing that 😀

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